I’m sitting on my patio looking at my garden and notice all of it has bloomed overnight. I have been waiting for flowers for a month and suddenly, here they are. Hundreds of them. And I realize: it rained last night. It rained all weekend. And the plants finally feel supported enough to bloom.
And then I think about myself and my weekend. It was a weekend of utter debauchery. I drank too much and ate crap and didn’t sleep enough and neglected all of my responsibilities. My house looks like a bomb exploded inside of it. I have bags under my eyes, my body is exhausted, and my brain is functioning at half capacity. But . . . I am happy. I am SO happy. And I danced my ass off. And laughed until my sides ached. And I met wonderful amazing new friends. And my heart is singing in a way it has not in a long time.
And then I think about how just last week I put myself on an Ayurveda diet. I was going to quit caffeine and quit sugar and only eat Ayurveda meals and meditate more and work out more and get up every day at sunrise and . . . I was stiff and rigid and saying no to everything fun. In my effort to be better I was shutting down. Like I did for so much of the last twelve years.
I look back to my garden and understand: plants don’t bloom until they have abundance. When they do not have an abundance of water and sun and shade they use all of their energy to maintain their core. They have nothing left over with which to bloom. They can’t waste that precious energy to produce a flower. But, when they have an abundance of all they need, they let loose. They feel safe enough to bloom. They allow themselves to overflow with life force energy and create magnificent flowers. Then they attract the butterflies and hummingbirds and bees to come play, to come enjoy their splendor.
Like we do, when we thrive. Like we do when we take the time to nurture and replenish ourselves. Like we do when we take the time to play, when we remove the chains of “being a responsible adult” and allow ourselves some freedom. Like I did last night and this weekend. I stopped cutting off the flow of life with my diet and my strict self-regulation rules and my to-do list, and I allowed life force energy to flow through me and take me where it wanted to, following my impulses as I went . . . and in my doing so, I bloomed.
And my blooming brought happiness and laugher and love and hilarity to all of those around me. The Buddha said that moderation is the key; that we should choose the Middle Way. I tend to be too strict with myself; too regulating. Too worried about making the right choices and doing the right thing. Who would have guessed the key to unleashing the life force within me was not Ayurveda, but tequila and espresso martinis?