What would it look like to walk through life full of self-worth? Would we walk slower? Would we stand taller? Would we breathe deeper? Would we roll our shoulders back and take up a little bit more space? Knowing we belonged . . . everywhere. Knowing we were welcome . . . everywhere. Knowing that every single time we appeared we made wherever we were just a little bit better. Just a little bit brighter?
What if for just this week we decided to radiate self-worth? Just for the fun of it? Just for the fuck of it. What would it look like? What would it feel like? How would it change us? How would it change our lives?
I’m asking us this because we all struggle with self-worth issues. I don’t think there is one human who does not. Ok, maybe the Enlightened Masters didn’t, or don’t (if some of them are still around.) I can’t imagine Jesus suffering from imposter syndrome. Like “who am I to think I can walk on water or rise from the dead?” But, hey, maybe he did. Maybe everyone in human form experiences self-doubt.
Unfortunately, too many of us (all of us) are raised by parents who are not self-actualized. Meaning they had their own doubts and fears and needs. So, they were not present and supporting and loving and nurturing all of the time. In fact, for many of us, most of the time, they were stressed and distant, controlling or neglectful, abusive or cold, with spurts of love, affection and attention thrown in on the rare occasions that they were actually feeling good. Which means most of us got attention when we did something exceptional. And it felt like Heaven. So, we learned to tie our self-worth into doing things exceptionally well. Which leads to perfectionism, obsession with productivity and accomplishment, and unattainable standards of . . . well, everything.
I notice when I’m here in Buenos Aires I get extremely insecure about speaking Spanish. Because I’m not perfect. Because I don’t sound like a native Argentine. Which is absurd. I’m not a native Argentine. I’m not supposed to sound like one. But, because I can’t speak the language perfectly, I speak quietly, and I mumble. Which makes it difficult for people to understand me. Which makes me more insecure. And then makes them think I don’t speak Spanish. So, then they start listening for English and really can’t understand me. Which again is absurd. Because I speak Spanish really well. Like well enough to have purchased a condo here and done the whole deal in Spanish. (smack my head emoji here.)
Who says I have to speak Spanish like an Argentine? Who says I’m flawed if I don’t? No one I’m talking to, that’s for sure. Not my parents. They died decades ago. So where is this coming from? The same thing happens with everything I do. Dancing, surfing, snowboarding, yoga. None of it is good enough. The same thing happens with what I look like. I’m never pretty enough. Where are these impossible standards coming from? And then, because I have them, I’m never measuring up. Which means I’m a loser. Ok, not a loser. I’m not that mean to myself. But it definitely means I turn my light down and take up less space. I apologize for being me.
Which sucks!
So, I’m asking you: what if, for one week, we decided to RADIATE self-worth? Together. As an experiment. What if we walked down the street like Jack Reacher? Knowing we could handle anything and everything that came our way? What if we just didn’t care at all what anyone else thought of us, ever? What if, like we understand about chocolate cake, we knew that some people would love us and others would not—and it had nothing to do with us—it just had to do with other people’s personal preferences? What if, like the sun shining in full force each day, we decided to shine full volume regardless of if people wanted to turn towards us and bask in our glow or draw the black-out drapes and curse us for being so bright?
The world can only reflect back to us our self-worth when we own it, when we radiate it. People can only understand me when I speak up and speak clearly. People can only see me when I take up space. People can only love me and get to know me when I open to them, unguarded. Confident.
I have so many friends who want romantic partners in their lives. Myself included. And yet we—if we’re honest with ourselves—are not open to having them. We walk out into the world guarded. Insecure. Wounded. With all kinds of ideas of what a perfect partner would be like. We walk out into the world not self-loving enough—which is like trying to sell a product that we ourselves would not buy.
But, what if we went out into the world knowing how lovable we were? How attractive? How accomplished. How fun. How unique. How quirky and awkward and . . . special. What if we presented ourselves to the world like world, here I am. And I have so much love and fun to add. We wouldn’t need to show off. Wouldn’t need to speak up. Wouldn’t need to cause a scene. Wouldn’t even need to interact if we didn’t want to. But, it would be a distinct and palpable type of energy. It would be an opening up instead of a closing off. It would be a stillness of sorts instead of a proving. It would be a receiving type of energy—confident enough to receive what the Universe is offering—rather than an edgy, judging and condemning and sorting into piles of want and don’t want.
Everyone would be our playmates if we walked around the world this way. Everything would be entertaining. We’d be actually on the Wild Ride of life and participating in it, and enjoying it, rather than holding our breath and planning twenty steps ahead and missing the whole thing.
So, I ask you again, what would it look like to walk through life full of self-worth? We wouldn’t be condemning ourselves for not being “further ahead.” We wouldn’t judge ourselves for past “mistakes.” We wouldn’t diminish ourselves for not having more in our bank accounts or for not being younger, thinner, better, stronger, prettier. We would just be. Like babies! We knew we were worthy when we were babies. And all we had to do was be. Breathe, eat, sleep, poop. That’s it. Loads of self-worth. And we were adored. By strangers! Everyone loves a baby.
So, for one week, I challenge you. Slow down. Breathe deeply. Take up space. Sit back and watch. Be the calmest person in the room. The coolest. The most collected. The most self-possessed. The most self-assured. Know that everyone else is struggling with his or her own insecurities and hold space for them. Be less judgy. Less condemning. More accepting of what is. Do what you do and do it well because you love to, not because you have something to prove. Speak your mind if you feel called to. Talk to strangers if the impulse arises. Say nothing if you’d rather be quiet. Make mistakes. Luxuriate in being gloriously imperfect and unproductive. And from this very relaxed, very self-loving place of being, trust the Universe to guide you. For one week. Follow the energy flows. If the energy is there to do something, do it with joy. If the energy is not there, don’t force or rush or push. Let go of your “plan,” and ask yourself where the energy is flowing—what do you have the energy to do? And do that instead. Try one week of this and see how you feel. See what unfolds. See what appears in the spaces you’ve created by dropping the struggle. I dare you.
