Coffee and Love

Apr 23, 2018 by Renee Linnell
I was so shut down for so long. So afraid. So introverted. So exhausted by everyone and everything in the world. I never thought I would date again. I never thought I would be social again. But suddenly, after years of healing, it shifted. I’m back. And I’m stronger than ever. And I want to be in the world again. And I realize that as I made my world smaller and smaller, because I thought it made me spiritual, and then later because I was so broken, I became more and more afraid, and made my world smaller and smaller, and became more and more afraid, and made my world smaller, until I could barely leave the house. I was afraid to drive. I was afraid to go to the grocery store. I was afraid to travel. I was afraid to snowboard. I was afraid to dance. I was afraid to do everything. And I was angry. Angry and rigid and mean.

But now I’m back and life is so fun again and I realize that my search for God shattered my world, and brought me full circle to the beginning, to the mind of a child, to seeing the world through the eyes of a child, and back to the paradigm that just being alive is amazing, just going through each day is amazing, just holding a warm cup of coffee is amazing. I had to be so broken to understand: It all comes back to this moment…and to love.