Loving What Is

Loving What Is
Jan 30, 2018 by Renee Linnell
I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of my cat, Pele, choking. She has asthma and it breaks my heart. I run downstairs and grab her steroid, turn the dispenser one click, and rub a dose of ointment on the inside of her ear. Then I lay down on the bathroom floor next to her, listening to her chough and gasp for air. There is nothing else I can do for her. My mind contorts with fear and I take a deep breath. Now is the time to walk my talk. Now, at 4am, lying on the bathroom floor is the time to really use my spiritual practice. 

Chipmunk

Chipmunk
Jan 10, 2018 by Renee Linnell
My cat, Pele, just brought me a chipmunk. I wasn’t too worried because I have learned they play dead and if I immediately scoop them up with a hand towel I can get them back outside before they become feisty. So, as she walked into the house I ran for the towel. She dropped the chipmunk. I scooped it up. It was warm. Good, I thought, still alive.

I took it outside to my garden and placed it in the grass. I tried to pull the towel out from under it, but couldn’t because its paws were snagged in the fabric so I just left the towel under it. As I did so it looked at me and blinked. You are safe little chipmunk, I thought. Run away, I will keep her distracted. Then I sat down behind my patio furniture, with all the ants, and distracted my cat.
 

Poppy

Poppy
Dec 12, 2017 by Renee Linnell
I sit outside on my patio and notice two orange poppies getting ready to bloom. Yesterday they were tiny green buds, but this morning the green has split and a vibrant orange shines through. As I drink my coffee the orange grows larger and larger until it overtakes the green completely, casting the green casing to the wet ground below. Two crumpled orange flowers emerge. Slowly at first, but then gradually expanding to tiny circles. They stand tall and proud on delicate stems. The bright orange creates such contrast in my garden of mostly yellow and purple and green, and I think how beautiful contrast is, how desperately we need it on this planet, how without diversity we would all be the same. We would be so bored. We would be so boring.
 

Butterfly

Butterfly
Dec 01, 2017 by Renee Linnell
I realize I am making the transition from girlhood to womanhood. Letting go of beauty as my power source and turning to wisdom instead. This journey has been very difficult for me, so I imagine it must be difficult for other women, as well. I have written a memoir that will be published October 9, 2018, and after spending four years writing that book, and healing from the sledgehammer called Life, I thought I had finally figured out who I was. But now I am being forced to figure out how to present myself, in my author photo and as my brand. It has not been easy. And as I’ve writhed around in the pain of trying to be who I think I need to be to sell my book and gain followers, I suddenly realized what is happening: I am leaving the caterpillar stage and becoming a butterfly. A completely different creature.

Dichotomy

Dichotomy
Nov 14, 2017 by Renee Linnell

When I was desperate to find God, to find my purpose, I struggled with the dichotomy within me. I yearned for God and was willing to do anything for Freedom. In my journey towards Enlightenment I was willing to abnegate my own core essence when told to do so by my spiritual teachers. I was willing to shut down everything within me that I thought was “unspiritual”. This was incredibly damaging.

I Believe in Divine Purpose

I Believe in Divine Purpose
Oct 12, 2017 by Renee Linnell

I believe in Divine Purpose. I believe that your difference is your destiny. I believe in Sacred Wounds. And I believe that everything that has happened to you has happened for you.