Body Blog
Nov 28, 2018 by Renee Linnell

All the different ways I have abused my body flashed through my mind: all the times I made myself lift weights that were too heavy, in order to build more muscle. All the times I over stretched or crammed my body into uncomfortable positions in order to show off in yoga class. All the huge waves I made myself surf, and the subsequent very hard and sometimes violent falls, in order to prove I was a good surfer. All the dangerous terrain I have snowboarded in order to keep up with the guys. I saw all the men I had forced myself to sleep with in order to feel liked or loved. I saw all the times I looked in the mirror and thought my thighs were fat or my belly was soft or my breasts were not large enough. I sobbed and sobbed on my sofa.
And then I made a declaration and a promise out-loud: “My dear dear body. My beautiful body that has carried my spirit on my Earth Walk for the last 44 years. I am so sorry. I have not seen you clearly. I have not treated you properly. I have not cherished you, or listened to you, or exalted you. That stops today. My promise is this: I will listen to you. I will honor you. I will exercise because it is nurturing; I will no longer do it in a way that causes harm. I will feed you the foods you request. I will give you proper amounts of water and rest. And I will cherish you. My hands, my beautiful hands, you amaze me. My feet, my beautiful feet, you amaze me. My legs and arms, my eyes and ears and mouth . . . you all are beautiful and you amaze me. My skin, I will moisturize you when you are dry. My muscles and ligaments and tendons, I will stretch you before bed each night. My hair, I will comb you more often. My body, my precious precious body . . . I will cherish and adore you, I will no longer criticize you. You are my most beloved gift and I will treat you as such.”
So, this lasted a day, and then I looked in the mirror as I undressed and found myself criticizing. I went to yoga and found myself upset I was “tight”, and I found myself paddling out in surf that was too big. But . . . gently, I reminded myself of my promise. And each day I get a little bit better at keeping it.