I got clotheslined yesterday. And slammed on my back on hard-packed snow, at 9:30 am. Not my favorite way to start a day.
I was entering a chairlift line that required some speed to access because it is slightly uphill. The morning sun was peeking over the mountain creating sun patches and sparkles in some areas, and casting shadows in others.
The lift line had two openings, with a post in between. I chose the opening on the left. I’m not sure why. And just as I was passing between the poles I noticed a black rope stretched between them. I hit the brakes hard, causing my snowboard to skid on my back edge, slide out from under me, and throw me down on the ground just as the rope caught my chest and added to the propulsion. I came down on my back hard.
Fortunately for me I saw the rope before I hit it full speed, and I broke my fall into stages: booty, back, shoulders. I did a massive abdominal crunch to keep my head from slamming into the ground. And, I felt ok. I got up. I laughed. And I got on the lift.
But, part of me was really pissed off. The lift guys should have removed that rope or kept the neon “closed” sign in front of that lane. My accident could have been way worse. Plus, as I sat on the lift, I was beginning to ache.
I got off the lift and snowboarded down my favorite run. By the time I got to the next chairlift my whole body hurt. And I was angry again. If I was anybody else, I would sue, I thought. I haven’t fallen that hard since I started snowboarding 33 years ago, I thought. My anger rose.
But, then a different thought entered my mind. A more evolved thought. One I had heard from Esther (Abraham) Hicks about Law of Attraction when the valet parking attendant broke the back window of her brand new Denali: I take full responsibility for what happens to me and mine.
“Huh,” I murmured to myself. Why did that happen? I asked myself next. Why would my Inner Guidance lead me to the lane that was roped off and dangerous? Why pick the side that slammed me on my back when the other side was wide open? Backwards . . . I got thrown backwards . . .
And then it hit me: I have been struggling for two months with a break up. I had to part ways with someone I loved tremendously. I would venture to call him “the love of my life.” I had been crying every morning for two months. Unable to completely move on. Wishing we were still close. Wondering if we could still be friends. Yearning for closure. Wishing things could have played out differently. Wondering if I could have tried harder. Wishing he could have treated me kinder. Wanting wanting wanting so badly for it to have been different. But, the Universe had shown us repeatedly that we were incompatible. While the love between us was undeniable, we were at completely different stages in life and what had started out as magnetic and miraculous turned relatively quickly into us bringing out the worst in each other. Clear signs we had reached our end point together and now had to go our separate ways.
While I knew all of this rationally, my heart would not let go. And part of me seemed unwilling to let go of the fantasy of how it could have been. I was still holding on. Which was causing me a lot of pain. “Let go or be dragged” the saying goes. I was still being dragged. And I knew better. I was writing books about this stuff. I was preaching to anyone who would listen how change is a good thing, and how the Universe will not allow us to stay in situations that are not in our Highest Good, and how we are all one so what is in the Highest Good for one is in the Highest Good for the other.
This should be a happy thing, I told myself. We loved each other tremendously. We grew together tremendously. We made amazing memories together. And now we have to let each other go to move on to all the amazing new things the Universe wants to show us. But, I wasn’t letting go. I was still entangled.
And so the Universe gave me a massive demonstration of what I was doing. I was choosing “entanglement,” “backwards,” and “pain,” when a wide-open path to ease, magic, and miracles was right next to it. I swear, if I remember correctly, the right side of the lift line was in the sun, was sparkling with morning light. The left was in the shadows. With a rope across it!
We are not meant to suffer so. We are meant to enjoy experience after experience and then move on as each gets taken away. Everything in this life is transient. That’s what makes it all so magical, so special. Humans devalue what we are constantly exposed to. We no longer appreciate it as much. We are meant to cherish what is here, now, and then let go as it moves away. In this way we go from miracle to miracle, our hearts full, grateful. But, we cling. And we doubt. And we think whatever is now gone will never be replaced with something that fits us better.
I loved this man with all my heart. I still do and always will. But, I have no doubt that we were incompatible. He would say the same; I know he would. It seems a cruel joke to make us love each other so much, but need such different environments to thrive. But, that was our reality.
To be free I would, with love, let go. I would choose the lane on the right. Wide-open, sparkling, leading to effortless fun. I want to. I want him to, also. Both of us gliding forward on our own separate paths, unobstructed, onto a comfy chair that carries us through the air into all the magic and miracles waiting for us to simply say, “Yes, I believe. Yes, I am worthy. Yes, yes, yes I am ready to joyously ride into the new.”
